Care vs Worry

Today Chambers references Matthew 6:25: do not worry about your life. This chapter of Matthew is amazingly challenging. Do not worry. HA! That's my gut reaction. But guts can be wrong. Jesus says not to worry about food or clothing, what will happen tomorrow or what the cares of this world may demand. He wants us instead to focus on things above, God's things, Heavenly tasks and purposes.

Then there's Proverbs 31 where this woman is described as more valuable than rubies. And this Ruby rises before dawn, cares for her family's needs, runs her own business, manages the home, never tires, takes care of her community... and I get tired just thinking about all of that! How does one become a Ruby while not worrying about anything? It seems crazy!

Focus. We are told to think about things that are good and pure and lovely, to set our minds on things above, to be praying constantly and tending to our spiritual fruit. Focus. Praying continually. Thanksgiving is the best conduit of this practice that I have encountered thus far. It makes sense to me that as I practice giving thanks to God throughout each day, each activity and task, my focus will not be on my energy level, my to-do list or my time constraints but rather on God and His goodness to me.

So on the days when I feel overwhelmed or when I know there is simply not enough time in one day to do everything that needs to be done, I try to be thankful. I am thankful that I have a home that needs to be vacuumed, clothes that need to be laundered and dogs that need to be bathed. I am thankful for having a choice about which grocery store to go to and what to plan for dinner. I am thankful for a healthy body capable of exercising and I am thankful for the new tires on my car, courtesy of Edymar, to safely get me to all of the place that I need to go.

"I will enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart,

I will enter His courts with praise!

I will say this is the day that the Lord has made,

I will rejoice for He has made me glad!"

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall

At church last weekend our pastor talked about forgiveness, judgement, love and humility. One of the most powerful stories demonstrating these qualities is the unlawful presentation of the adulteress in the temple at Jesus' feet by the religious leaders of the day. As they used her to try to trap Jesus in a catch 22 they found themselves thwarted by logical grace. Sure, there were to be punishments for law-breakers. What Jesus took issue with was the self-righteous nature so boldly on display and yet completely overlooked.

Essentially, Jesus said, "Take a look in the mirror, first, then decide if you are worthy of playing judge." The first place we should always look when we feel ready to judge someone is in the mirror. And when we look in that mirror, what we should see is a child of God, a follower of Jesus, a lover of enemies and neighbors alike. And as we turn to look at others we should see other children of God, whether estranged from their Father or not.

The funny thing about this past weekend was that the opportunity to practice this lesson came immediately after church as we worked on plans to meet up with some people who would logically be considered enemy-types, those on the other side. Yet who am I to observe any lines that were drawn by anyone other than God? His lines, the ones between sin and life, between forgiveness and unforgiveness, between walking in the light and walking in the darkness, are the only lines that I need to measure my actions against. So plans were made, visiting happened, awkward feelings turned into wonderment at how God equips us for his calls as we choose to answer, "Send me." And in the end I received a text that read, "Thank you for welcoming our family."

Forgiveness and grace. Such power. So humbling, regardless of whether you are the forgiver or the forgiven, the sparer or the spared. When the pastor asked aloud what we thought Jesus was like, the first word that came to my mind was humble. He ate with the rejected, he ministered to the outcast, he served his brothers and he welcomed time with children. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Why? Because the One who deserves the honor of first place has chosen to trade down. He gave his spot to me. And because I want to be like him, I too will give up my spot, the cycle of life-giving humility.

Service = Expression of Love

"Service is the overflow which pours from a life filled with love and devotion." ~ O. Chambers

Today's reading in My Utmost is focused on how my relationship with God is the starting point. It's amazing how I tend to categorize life when in fact life is an interwoven flow of relationships. I tend to put elements of life into boxes: work, church, home, social/familial. But that doesn't really seem right. Creating divisions, categories, causes me to divide myself into the sections I "need" to perform well in each category. But that doesn't really seem right. Turning my life into a to-do list with categories of tasks rather than looking at it as a flow of myself through each day... it doesn't really seem right.

I am a list maker. I use sticky-notes and note-pad apps to keep myself on track. I use calendars at work and at home. I have my 5:30-2:30 work block of time, my 3-5:30 task/self time, and my 5:30-10:30 hubby time. Divisions. Then I have my weekend time, Sabbath being my favorite day most weeks, with church, friends and family being priority on Saturday and tasks, fun, lazy-morning time relegated to Sunday. More division.

But Chambers used the word "overflow" which, by its very nature, requires flow. A life filled with love and devotion to God is the source of the flow. Service is the effect, not the cause, of love and devotion. Service should flow out of me with complete disregard for my divisions. "The Son of God reveals Himself in me, and out of devotion to Him service becomes my everyday way of life" Chambers says at the end of the reading for today, January 17. That's enough to cause a person to stop in their tracks and reflect. Everyday way of life. There is no division in a flowing- everyday way of life. I am not an employee, then an errand-runner, then a wife, then a church-goer, then a friend and family member, then myself. I am a believer in relationship with my loving God and from Him flows life and love and service and joy.

How does one maintain joy and faith in God? The method I'm focusing on is thanksgiving, thanks to Ann VosKamp and her book One Thousand Gifts. Gratitude in all things produces so many beautiful side-effects in life, one of them being joy and the desire to share what I have been given because of that joy. I had been thinking about starting a gratitude journal to name the gifts that God gives me but I hadn't actually done it because I wanted to have the perfect journal to use. So as I was standing in line at the store I happened to look over at a shelf and see what God had put there for me: a small green journal that said, "the grass is always greener on my side." Needless to say, I now have a gratitude journal and entry number one is "finding just what I need."

My sister-in-law, one of the the best moms I've seen in action, asked me how I'm processing the choice to become a mom. As she and my brother were some of the first people to know what Edymar and I are up to, it was the first time I had been asked this question. I didn't have an answer readily at hand. As I tried to figure it out I found myself saying, "That's not what this is about for me."

I have been a counselor for five years now and I had the privilege of being a youth leader for two years in Florida. 

My youth family visiting TN in Aug. 2011. I'm in the middle.

Youth 2010 Christmas party right before we moved to TN. 

I have loved and cared for many kids. I have prayed for them, cried for them, been joyful and been frustrated with them. I have been called "Mom" and "Tia" and "Auntie," claimed by kids in a way I hadn't anticipated. Taking care of kids in one form or another has almost always been a part of my life. Adoption is another form, a new form for me to do what God has charged his followers to do: love others.

In Matthew 22, the religious leaders are trying to trip Jesus up, again, and they ask him what the greatest commandment is. Jesus replies in verses 37-39, "‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’" That pretty much says it all for me. My job in this world is to love God and love my neighbor. Who is my neighbor? Anyone that God brings across my path. The Samaritan from one of the most well known parables of Jesus was just going about his business when he came across the beaten man on the road. Jesus didn't say the Samaritan was out looking for someone to help. He was just walking down the road and someone needed help so he helped. That's what I want to do and who I want to be. 

Another scripture that brings this concept home to me is John 13:35 when Jesus says, "Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." Love should be the driving force behind the decisions that we make and the way we treat one another. This, of course, requires reliance on God to give us love for others and self-control to take our eyes off of our selves and our lives and our circumstances and to instead focus on what God wants us to see each day. 

I don't pretend to understand what it is to be a mother. I don't know how to process this part of my journey at this juncture. But I believe that God will prepare my heart to be the caregiver he intends for me to be as long as I am willing to learn and to lean on Him. 

It's been a while and still I'm only writing to myself

Oswald Chambers. I've heard of him but never read him. Never really wanted to. Until I saw my brother reading him. My brother has excellent taste in books, music, photography, art...so I paid attention. But I didn't have any of Chambers' books so I still didn't read him. Until.

I was given a copy of My Utmost for His Highest Special Updated Edition edited by James Reimann. An extra copy on a shelf offered to me in an off-hand manner. The hand of my mom seemed to be the hand of God and now I read Chambers and I am blessed.

It can be so easy to read the same scriptures over and over and always see the same message. There is so much there to see but my mind's eye follows the same line of vision, the thought pattern following the same rut in my brain, each time making the groove deeper, a thought-river always flowing, never cutting. Reading Chambers is like rafting down another fork in the river, one I rafted past before but never saw.

Today, January 14, the verse is a familiar one, Isaiah 6:8. God asks, "Who should I send? Who will go?" and Isaiah replies, "I will." Often-times I have heard it said that a person has been called to the ministry. A person. Like God said, "You, this is your job." And sometimes that is the case. But Chambers points out that God didn't say, "Isaiah, I'm sending you." He sent a call out and Isaiah was listening.

How often is God calling and I don't hear it? The responsibility is not on God to say, "Hey, Sarah! This is the job I have for you today." The responsibility is on me to listen for God saying, "I have a job, who will do it?" I do believe that there are times when God specifically calls my name with a task in mind, but if I haven't practiced listening for his call, will I know his voice? Will I hear him call my name?

To take it even farther, this removes the excuse for someone to sit idly by waiting for God to call them, not to be confused with waiting on God because he is asking you to do so. We are explicitly told to be still. To be still and know that God is God. But not to be still and lazy, or to be busy with our own agendas.

When you look at this verse from the perspective of God calling out to everyone, it addresses the recurring issue of the same small group of people doing the majority of the work within the church. The ones working are the ones listening, not necessarily the ones called. We are all called. We just don't all listen. And of those listening, how many respond with, "I'm available."?