I want to do it!

It's so amazing how a simple truth can change so much.

I have never had a consistent, before-I-get-to-work, early morning daily devotional time. I have had variations of this ideal, with prayer and worship in my car as I drive and a few quiet moments with my Bible or my devotional reading, and then my daily devotional email that I read when I get to my computer, but I was lacking focus.

Jesus.

Jesus should be my focus every morning before I leave the house. And with the exception of two or three days, I have made Him my focus every morning since the middle of March. Considering this means getting out of bed by 5:30 every morning, this is huge for me. But here's the thing: I want to do it! Wait, what?? I want to get out of bed every morning before 5:30 so I can have time to sit with Jesus before I go out to meet the day. Meeting Jesus should always be first!

This is an area of my life that needed attention. The idea of spending time in the gospels every day is a great idea and with the SOAP model that I mentioned before to guide me in the process, I just did it. It's amazing how I can read the same stories that I have read before and see a different message. I've heard that this happens but it had never really happened to me. I started reading in John since I usually go to Matthew. I wanted to change things up a bit, get out of my gospel-reading rut and gain a fresh perspective. John is so different than Matthew! And the same. But different! And as I read I learn about the different perspectives and experiences between the two men. And I see Jesus through different sets of eyes and it's so great!

Jesus wants to be my best friend. If He isn't, it's my fault, not His. But when He is, it's crazy-cool! And I find myself talking about Him more, thinking about Him more, worshiping Him more throughout the day. Edymar and I talk about our quiet time and learn from one another. He is reading Matthew so we are looking through  different eyes at the same stories and then filtering them through our own perspectives and then talking about it and it's awesome!! When Jesus is the focus of your life, He is also the focus of your marriage and that is amazing.

I am so thankful that God brought this truth to Edymar and I at the same time in the same way for us to walk out together. God is so cool!!

PSOAP

Last week we were at church every night. This was a stretch to think about ahead of time, however, once we heard the first couple of seminar sessions we were hooked!

Lee Venden is a revivalist from the west coast and he travels nation-wide delivering the message that God has laid on his heart. His message is simple: being a Christian means knowing Jesus personally. His catch phrase is, "It's not about what you do, it's about who you know and who you know changes what you do." He tacked some of the largest pitfalls of the SDA church, all built on the foundation of behaviorally-based thinking rather than relationally-based practice. There is so much good stuff covered in his sessions, but today I want to talk about SOAP.

SOAP is an outline for structured, daily devotion for the purpose of getting to know Jesus as your friend. We may read the Bible on a daily basis already, in many different books, but Venden stressed the need to get to know Jesus more and more each day and it made sense! He recommends never leaving the gospels in devotional time. The idea isn't to cut out other book reading but to augment your gospel reading with the other books as well. What a great idea!

So, SOAP stands for Scripture, Observation, Application and Prayer. Really I suppose it should be PSOAP, kind of like Psalm, because prayer should start things off also so that you make the formal invitation to the Holy Spirit to bring fresh revelation to the familiar words. Last week I started with John 1 and I stayed in John 1 the entire week, breaking down the chapter into small chunks to really meditate on the meat. My devotional journal looks like this:

Date SOAP
Scripture: reference for verses I will be reading
Observation: description of what it would be like to be a part of the action or witness to the action of the reading selection; this could include sights, sounds, atmosphere, emotions; I may take on the perspective of one of the main people in the story or perhaps a bystander that is simply taking it all in
Application: main points that I have taken from the passage that I can apply to my life day by day; this can include a specific observation about the way God works, the way Jesus works and how I must be ready for what they may do or ask me to do; it may include a specific lesson for me to embrace to become more like Jesus; a focus point for me that day
Prayer: a letter-prayer focused on the applications and what I have learned, gratitude for fresh perspective and asking the Holy Spirit to help me embrace the application points in my daily life

I have started morning devotions before and slowly my block of focused time dwindles and gets pushed into my morning work time, not ideal for focusing. And it has only been a little over a week so I know that's not much time. But this model has helped me get out of bed earlier because I know what I'm going to do for my devotion time. I'm not reading with no direction and I'm not focused on a text other than the Bible. I'm spending time getting to know my friend and it's great! I was actually thinking today that I will set my alarm a little earlier tomorrow so I can spend more time with Jesus before the rest of my day begins. What!?!

To Quit, Or Not To Quit

Quitting. Not supposed to do it. Frowned upon by many, done by many more. I quit piano a long time ago. Now there's a piano sitting in my garage waiting to be restored and tuned...so I can do what with it? As I have gotten older I have been more cautious in making commitments because I know what it may cost: my time, my energy and my sanity. And though it may cost me those things, I'd rather stick it out than quit. Because I know what that may cost also: self-respect, success and trustworthiness to name a few.

Youth ministry is hard. I wanted to quit many times when we, my friend and I, started our first youth group. It was hard. It was very hard. It tried my patience and my sanity. But I kept going. Every 2nd and 4th Friday night I was there to teach, to love, to counsel, to correct, and sometimes just to be there. And because of my decision to keep at it, my spirit was enriched and my faith in God was strengthened exponentially. Those kids became my kids and I loved them. I was thankful to be in a partnership with others who loved God and loved kids and wanted to invest in youth in the way that God asked. I was thankful to be in a church that saw the value in allowing the youth to be their own community with gifts to offer as a group and individually. My heart was overflowing the day that two of "our" young men were ordained as deacons for the church. Their willingness to serve and the leadership's willingness to honor them gave testimony to the desires of my heart.

And now I am in a new youth leadership position and I have wanted to quit. This is a new situation with new challenges and less support and more drama and less commitment and I want to quit often. But I keep showing up to teach because I committed to a year of service. The year will be up in July.

July. I have wondered what I should do. Maybe this isn't the right job for me. Maybe I don't have it in me to commit to another year. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I don't want to do this anymore. But maybe God wants me to...

March 5, My Utmost: "Have you received a ministry from the Lord? If so, you must be faithful to it - to consider your life valuable only for the purpose of fulfilling that ministry. Knowing that you have done what Jesus sent you to do, think how satisfying it will be to hear Him say to you, 'Well done, good and faithful servant' (Matthew 25:21)." Huh. Well then.

The only reason I left my former youth group was that God moved me. It was so hard. It hurt my heart. It still hurts my heart when I really think about it. I identify with Paul as I read his letters to the churches that he founded, as he sends greetings to his loved ones in many cities. But he was not the master of "his" ministry. He was the follower of The Master in His ministry.

Huh. Well then.

Claiming the Drudgery

Last week I was really looking forward to President's Day. When you work in a school a new appreciation of lesser-loved holidays grows, and President's Day is a perfect example. I used to think, "I wonder why there was no mail today" with a shrug of indifference. Now I mark these days on my calendar with a big NO SCHOOL and anticipate a day of sleeping in, guilt-free relaxation and plenty of DIY projects.

However.

Sleeping in just doesn't work for me anymore. Not on demand, anyway. I have to build up to it by trying to adjust my irritating internal schedule that puts me on the road to sleep at 9:30p and wakes me at 4:00a to make sure I haven't missed my 5:30a alarm. I want to sleep in, stay happily cozied up under the covers blissfully carefree of the hour. But I can't. So I was laying in bed wide awake at 7:00a yesterday morning willing myself to stay in bed, to try to sleep longer, to take advantage of the freedom, but it just wouldn't work.

My day of freedom became full. Full of chores like laundry, ironing, doggie baths, organizing an overflowing office... The highlight of my day was watching my nieces and nephew who always make me happy. And even though I worked all day, I still have more to do. Like sleeping in, guilt-free relaxing and plenty of DIY projects (and a little ironing). At the end of the day it felt like I had not had a day off.

Then I read my devotion this morning, courtesy of Mr. Chambers, and it is titled Taking the Initiative Against Drudgery. "Drudgery is one of the finest tests to determine the genuineness of our character...It is the utterly hard, menial, tiresome and dirty work. And when we experience it, our spirituality is instantly tested..." He then references the final supper that Jesus shared with his disciples as God the Son washed the feet of twelve dirty men, one of whom was about to sell Him out.

Well then. I guess that settles that.

"The inspiration of God is required if drudgery is to shine with the light of God upon it." Now that is a statement I can relate to. I don't know how shiny my drudgery was yesterday but there will always be a next time and room to improve with each task at hand.

I am thankful. Thankful for dogs to care for, clothes that need to be washed, sheets to cover my bed and a mattress to put them on. I am thankful for a reason to iron clothes because it means we have jobs to look professional for and I am thankful that I have hands that work to do dishes that are dirty with the food that we are blessed to have. And when I get to sleep in, relax and do some crafting or sewing, I will be thankful for the time and the ability.

God is good.

Care vs Worry

Today Chambers references Matthew 6:25: do not worry about your life. This chapter of Matthew is amazingly challenging. Do not worry. HA! That's my gut reaction. But guts can be wrong. Jesus says not to worry about food or clothing, what will happen tomorrow or what the cares of this world may demand. He wants us instead to focus on things above, God's things, Heavenly tasks and purposes.

Then there's Proverbs 31 where this woman is described as more valuable than rubies. And this Ruby rises before dawn, cares for her family's needs, runs her own business, manages the home, never tires, takes care of her community... and I get tired just thinking about all of that! How does one become a Ruby while not worrying about anything? It seems crazy!

Focus. We are told to think about things that are good and pure and lovely, to set our minds on things above, to be praying constantly and tending to our spiritual fruit. Focus. Praying continually. Thanksgiving is the best conduit of this practice that I have encountered thus far. It makes sense to me that as I practice giving thanks to God throughout each day, each activity and task, my focus will not be on my energy level, my to-do list or my time constraints but rather on God and His goodness to me.

So on the days when I feel overwhelmed or when I know there is simply not enough time in one day to do everything that needs to be done, I try to be thankful. I am thankful that I have a home that needs to be vacuumed, clothes that need to be laundered and dogs that need to be bathed. I am thankful for having a choice about which grocery store to go to and what to plan for dinner. I am thankful for a healthy body capable of exercising and I am thankful for the new tires on my car, courtesy of Edymar, to safely get me to all of the place that I need to go.

"I will enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart,

I will enter His courts with praise!

I will say this is the day that the Lord has made,

I will rejoice for He has made me glad!"

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall

At church last weekend our pastor talked about forgiveness, judgement, love and humility. One of the most powerful stories demonstrating these qualities is the unlawful presentation of the adulteress in the temple at Jesus' feet by the religious leaders of the day. As they used her to try to trap Jesus in a catch 22 they found themselves thwarted by logical grace. Sure, there were to be punishments for law-breakers. What Jesus took issue with was the self-righteous nature so boldly on display and yet completely overlooked.

Essentially, Jesus said, "Take a look in the mirror, first, then decide if you are worthy of playing judge." The first place we should always look when we feel ready to judge someone is in the mirror. And when we look in that mirror, what we should see is a child of God, a follower of Jesus, a lover of enemies and neighbors alike. And as we turn to look at others we should see other children of God, whether estranged from their Father or not.

The funny thing about this past weekend was that the opportunity to practice this lesson came immediately after church as we worked on plans to meet up with some people who would logically be considered enemy-types, those on the other side. Yet who am I to observe any lines that were drawn by anyone other than God? His lines, the ones between sin and life, between forgiveness and unforgiveness, between walking in the light and walking in the darkness, are the only lines that I need to measure my actions against. So plans were made, visiting happened, awkward feelings turned into wonderment at how God equips us for his calls as we choose to answer, "Send me." And in the end I received a text that read, "Thank you for welcoming our family."

Forgiveness and grace. Such power. So humbling, regardless of whether you are the forgiver or the forgiven, the sparer or the spared. When the pastor asked aloud what we thought Jesus was like, the first word that came to my mind was humble. He ate with the rejected, he ministered to the outcast, he served his brothers and he welcomed time with children. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Why? Because the One who deserves the honor of first place has chosen to trade down. He gave his spot to me. And because I want to be like him, I too will give up my spot, the cycle of life-giving humility.

Service = Expression of Love

"Service is the overflow which pours from a life filled with love and devotion." ~ O. Chambers

Today's reading in My Utmost is focused on how my relationship with God is the starting point. It's amazing how I tend to categorize life when in fact life is an interwoven flow of relationships. I tend to put elements of life into boxes: work, church, home, social/familial. But that doesn't really seem right. Creating divisions, categories, causes me to divide myself into the sections I "need" to perform well in each category. But that doesn't really seem right. Turning my life into a to-do list with categories of tasks rather than looking at it as a flow of myself through each day... it doesn't really seem right.

I am a list maker. I use sticky-notes and note-pad apps to keep myself on track. I use calendars at work and at home. I have my 5:30-2:30 work block of time, my 3-5:30 task/self time, and my 5:30-10:30 hubby time. Divisions. Then I have my weekend time, Sabbath being my favorite day most weeks, with church, friends and family being priority on Saturday and tasks, fun, lazy-morning time relegated to Sunday. More division.

But Chambers used the word "overflow" which, by its very nature, requires flow. A life filled with love and devotion to God is the source of the flow. Service is the effect, not the cause, of love and devotion. Service should flow out of me with complete disregard for my divisions. "The Son of God reveals Himself in me, and out of devotion to Him service becomes my everyday way of life" Chambers says at the end of the reading for today, January 17. That's enough to cause a person to stop in their tracks and reflect. Everyday way of life. There is no division in a flowing- everyday way of life. I am not an employee, then an errand-runner, then a wife, then a church-goer, then a friend and family member, then myself. I am a believer in relationship with my loving God and from Him flows life and love and service and joy.

How does one maintain joy and faith in God? The method I'm focusing on is thanksgiving, thanks to Ann VosKamp and her book One Thousand Gifts. Gratitude in all things produces so many beautiful side-effects in life, one of them being joy and the desire to share what I have been given because of that joy. I had been thinking about starting a gratitude journal to name the gifts that God gives me but I hadn't actually done it because I wanted to have the perfect journal to use. So as I was standing in line at the store I happened to look over at a shelf and see what God had put there for me: a small green journal that said, "the grass is always greener on my side." Needless to say, I now have a gratitude journal and entry number one is "finding just what I need."

My sister-in-law, one of the the best moms I've seen in action, asked me how I'm processing the choice to become a mom. As she and my brother were some of the first people to know what Edymar and I are up to, it was the first time I had been asked this question. I didn't have an answer readily at hand. As I tried to figure it out I found myself saying, "That's not what this is about for me."

I have been a counselor for five years now and I had the privilege of being a youth leader for two years in Florida. 

My youth family visiting TN in Aug. 2011. I'm in the middle.

Youth 2010 Christmas party right before we moved to TN. 

I have loved and cared for many kids. I have prayed for them, cried for them, been joyful and been frustrated with them. I have been called "Mom" and "Tia" and "Auntie," claimed by kids in a way I hadn't anticipated. Taking care of kids in one form or another has almost always been a part of my life. Adoption is another form, a new form for me to do what God has charged his followers to do: love others.

In Matthew 22, the religious leaders are trying to trip Jesus up, again, and they ask him what the greatest commandment is. Jesus replies in verses 37-39, "‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’" That pretty much says it all for me. My job in this world is to love God and love my neighbor. Who is my neighbor? Anyone that God brings across my path. The Samaritan from one of the most well known parables of Jesus was just going about his business when he came across the beaten man on the road. Jesus didn't say the Samaritan was out looking for someone to help. He was just walking down the road and someone needed help so he helped. That's what I want to do and who I want to be. 

Another scripture that brings this concept home to me is John 13:35 when Jesus says, "Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." Love should be the driving force behind the decisions that we make and the way we treat one another. This, of course, requires reliance on God to give us love for others and self-control to take our eyes off of our selves and our lives and our circumstances and to instead focus on what God wants us to see each day. 

I don't pretend to understand what it is to be a mother. I don't know how to process this part of my journey at this juncture. But I believe that God will prepare my heart to be the caregiver he intends for me to be as long as I am willing to learn and to lean on Him. 

It's been a while and still I'm only writing to myself

Oswald Chambers. I've heard of him but never read him. Never really wanted to. Until I saw my brother reading him. My brother has excellent taste in books, music, photography, art...so I paid attention. But I didn't have any of Chambers' books so I still didn't read him. Until.

I was given a copy of My Utmost for His Highest Special Updated Edition edited by James Reimann. An extra copy on a shelf offered to me in an off-hand manner. The hand of my mom seemed to be the hand of God and now I read Chambers and I am blessed.

It can be so easy to read the same scriptures over and over and always see the same message. There is so much there to see but my mind's eye follows the same line of vision, the thought pattern following the same rut in my brain, each time making the groove deeper, a thought-river always flowing, never cutting. Reading Chambers is like rafting down another fork in the river, one I rafted past before but never saw.

Today, January 14, the verse is a familiar one, Isaiah 6:8. God asks, "Who should I send? Who will go?" and Isaiah replies, "I will." Often-times I have heard it said that a person has been called to the ministry. A person. Like God said, "You, this is your job." And sometimes that is the case. But Chambers points out that God didn't say, "Isaiah, I'm sending you." He sent a call out and Isaiah was listening.

How often is God calling and I don't hear it? The responsibility is not on God to say, "Hey, Sarah! This is the job I have for you today." The responsibility is on me to listen for God saying, "I have a job, who will do it?" I do believe that there are times when God specifically calls my name with a task in mind, but if I haven't practiced listening for his call, will I know his voice? Will I hear him call my name?

To take it even farther, this removes the excuse for someone to sit idly by waiting for God to call them, not to be confused with waiting on God because he is asking you to do so. We are explicitly told to be still. To be still and know that God is God. But not to be still and lazy, or to be busy with our own agendas.

When you look at this verse from the perspective of God calling out to everyone, it addresses the recurring issue of the same small group of people doing the majority of the work within the church. The ones working are the ones listening, not necessarily the ones called. We are all called. We just don't all listen. And of those listening, how many respond with, "I'm available."?