Quitting. Not supposed to do it. Frowned upon by many, done by many more. I quit piano a long time ago. Now there's a piano sitting in my garage waiting to be restored and tuned...so I can do what with it? As I have gotten older I have been more cautious in making commitments because I know what it may cost: my time, my energy and my sanity. And though it may cost me those things, I'd rather stick it out than quit. Because I know what that may cost also: self-respect, success and trustworthiness to name a few.
Youth ministry is hard. I wanted to quit many times when we, my friend and I, started our first youth group. It was hard. It was very hard. It tried my patience and my sanity. But I kept going. Every 2nd and 4th Friday night I was there to teach, to love, to counsel, to correct, and sometimes just to be there. And because of my decision to keep at it, my spirit was enriched and my faith in God was strengthened exponentially. Those kids became my kids and I loved them. I was thankful to be in a partnership with others who loved God and loved kids and wanted to invest in youth in the way that God asked. I was thankful to be in a church that saw the value in allowing the youth to be their own community with gifts to offer as a group and individually. My heart was overflowing the day that two of "our" young men were ordained as deacons for the church. Their willingness to serve and the leadership's willingness to honor them gave testimony to the desires of my heart.
And now I am in a new youth leadership position and I have wanted to quit. This is a new situation with new challenges and less support and more drama and less commitment and I want to quit often. But I keep showing up to teach because I committed to a year of service. The year will be up in July.
July. I have wondered what I should do. Maybe this isn't the right job for me. Maybe I don't have it in me to commit to another year. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I don't want to do this anymore. But maybe God wants me to...
March 5, My Utmost: "Have you received a ministry from the Lord? If so, you must be faithful to it - to consider your life valuable only for the purpose of fulfilling that ministry. Knowing that you have done what Jesus sent you to do, think how satisfying it will be to hear Him say to you, 'Well done, good and faithful servant' (Matthew 25:21)." Huh. Well then.
The only reason I left my former youth group was that God moved me. It was so hard. It hurt my heart. It still hurts my heart when I really think about it. I identify with Paul as I read his letters to the churches that he founded, as he sends greetings to his loved ones in many cities. But he was not the master of "his" ministry. He was the follower of The Master in His ministry.
Huh. Well then.
No comments:
Post a Comment